Seismic Activity Recorded

The last time I took Tanner out among civilians I learned something. Don't do it!

We went to grandma's two story house. Tanner loves it there. He goes straight up the stairs and into the master bedroom where the TV and DVD player are kept. He was so excited to be at grandma's house that he leaped for joy... over... and....over...for two hours. Downstairs while we talked and ate dinner the light fixtures were jangling and swaying, the windows were rattling and the floor joists were splintering. The crazy, irregular thumping upstairs was tanner's way of being completely happy as he landed flat footed after getting some serious air under his legs.
Dad cringed, my sisters laughed nervously, I knowingly nodded. And finally when it was time to go home I had a serious problem on my hands. Tanner did not want to leave. And when Tanner doesn't want to do something he becomes strikingly terrible. As I engaged in hand to hand combat with the beast, trying to get him into the car, he "Mike Tyson'ed" me!

Throughout the week I got encouraging texts from my family urging me to bring Tanner to dinner the next Sunday and that the strong men could handle it! I declined. There's nothing worse than a grown man's bruised ego after he gets schooled by a retard!

Cold Feet In Kanarraville

As spring awakened SLC with wind and rain, Hailey and I headed to the desert where the temperatures were just right for some stunning hikes. The air was warm and the skies were clear. But the water was quite chilly. Snow from higher elevations melted, which created a flowing stream, which created a narrow canyon which we walked through. The echo of a series of waterfalls beckoned to us as we tenderly stepped amongst the rocks of an ankle deep creek. With numb and aching feet we got the picture perfect opportunity to climb the ladder over the cascade.

 For a mile the cliffs rose right out of the water, giving us little chance to warm our shoes. After a while, the foot numbing chill was disregarded because of the beauty of our surroundings.

The next day our feet took us to a melting landscape of rusty red-rock formations resembling viscous syrup being poured down a hill.

And in order to get to this strange playground we got to scale a cliff wall with the help of manmade footholds. Super Fun!!

Birthdays Are a Joke

Hailey has only one boring thing on her birthday list: The Amazon Gift Card. She just isn't any fun anymore! She is impossible to shop for, and everything I suggest is "lame". Her favorite gift this year was the nose glasses from grandpa.

I gave her a home made card and some poo-pouree! I haven't asked her if my gift is effective.
Happy 17th Birthday!

Weekends With Tanner

Weekends with Tanner are not complicated. They are simply exhausting. The whole weekend revolves around food, YouTube, noise and sleep. That's about it. Except that these few things rule every spare moment. Each meal is a total disaster clean up x3. Each YouTube video involves the world's stupidest criminals and daredevils. And when Tanner sees people get tazered or injured he jumps around in delight. Finally when he needs to go to sleep he dozes off to the hum of the vacuum or the incessant white noise of a radio.

 Every meal has to be smothered in poppyseed dressing, even spaghetti


Every show involves a criminal or an idiot

And when the day is over Tanner collapses into half sleep where he won't let me turn off the vacuum. Sometime later, after deep sleep envelopes him , I turn off the noise and am faced with a deafening silence.

THE Prom

The Prom can be the best of times and the worst of times. The best is having a cool friendship with a handsome boy. The worst is waiting for him to ask you to the prom. The best involves dressing up and being a part of something big. The worst involves learning how to walk in six inch heels without looking like an idiot.

For me the best part of this special night was meeting the impressive, young man who asked my little girl to her first prom. He endured Hailey's embarrassing parents with a smile. Not only did he smile politely for every single picture, he tolerated Dave's Spanish. Then after a firm handshake and direct eye contact he opened the door to his beat-up blue minivan and waved goodbye.

"First-World" Problems

First I noticed that everything in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator was icy. The baby carrots stuck together in a clump. I ignored it. Later, I found that the potatoes and onions in the middle drawer were too solid. I let them be. In the weeks that followed, the freezing problem worked its way to the top of the fridge. When the milk froze into an arctic chunk I realized that there might be a problem. In the meantime I've been keeping most stuff in the garage refrigerator.
So when Tanner opens the fridge door he is very disappointed to find only condiments, eggs and a half empty jar of pickles. The other day he brought me an egg. It was frozen solid.

A Weekend Without Tanner

It was Saturday.  It was 2:00 in the afternoon. Tanner was gone so there was nothing to do. Usually when Tanner is home it's like running a day care for thirty kids.  Everything involves a  disaster cleanup.  I'm constantly locking and unlocking doors, turning on and off TV's, changing batteries and hiding toys that drive me crazy. But this weekend Hailey and I were unmotivated to do anything at all. It was scary quiet. We decided to just relax in bed and watch M*A*S*H all day long. It was weird being so lazy but it sure was fun hanging with the teen.