Tanner Damage

It's not that Tanner intentionally causes chaos. He just IS chaos. In fact, he's a walking disaster. If it's glass he will break it, if it's furniture he will break it, if it's electronic he will break it. If it's tearable it will be torn and if it's throwable it will be thrown. Over the last year Tanner has casually dropped or thrown all my drinking glasses and picture frames, violently shattered three TV's and two DVD players. He has easily flipped over several end tables and busted the back out of a couch. He has shredded our clothing and bruised our skin. Still, this pandemonium is no big deal because it's our "normal". We fix it. We replace it. And we TRY to "Tanner Proof" it.

After the destruction of 3 big screen TV's we have built a plexiglass protector

After jumping on and splitting the couch we bought a couple of spares from IKEA

After loosing in hand to hand combat with the boy I just lock him
in his room and let him throw books around until he cools down

Dave takes selfies of what happens when Tanner gets a hold of his shirt

Most of the time this kid is so adorable that I want to be around him
just to watch how he enjoys his life. He smiles at me, he hugs me and
he teases me.  His excitement and laughter make me so happy!

No Turkey

It's not that I hate Thanksgiving. It is an appropriate holiday to contemplate one's undeserved privileges. I just find that Thanksgiving comes around the worse time of year: brown grass, leaf free trees, chilly air yet snowless mountains. And since I detest "in between", I like to go south where the trees are always crazy green, the ocean is always vibrant blue and the air is predictably body temperature.
This year I finagled a timeshare in Playa del Carmen which turned out to be so luxurious that I felt downright uncomfortable. The "over the top" amenities and surroundings were so overwhelming that I walked around in utter disbelief. Luckily most of my plans involved activities outside the resort ( I tend to be more at home in the lower scale accommodations). And since I tend to have a "to do list" for my vacations, I spent most of the time twenty minutes south where all the action is.
Lucky for me I had some great travel companions who did everything I planned for them. Brother Jason, his boy Ryland, sister Jen and my daughter Hailey accompanied me on all my adventures which included diving, driving and fooding.
Included in this most excellent vacation was: Seeing the Mayan Ruins of Coba while riding crappy, squeaky, awesome bicycles, Diving an extensive, fresh water cave system, Diving reefs off Cozumel and Eating Good Food. As a bonus we stayed in the lap of luxury. It was absolutely perfect except.....

Of course every trip has it's funny stories (funny afterwards): While in the city we parked our rent-a-van in a "deliveries only" spot (sign is spanish), only to return with a parking ticket. Bummer. Except in Mexico, a ticket is more than a "mail in a check" kind of thing.  We had to hunt down the courthouse in suburban Playa del Carmen, arrive in person and pay a fine. Incidentally, Jason noticed that our front license plate was missing and had the suspicion that Mexico was holding it for ransom. The address printed on the ticket was; let's say, a bit ambiguous, so we set out on a quest to find this place of mystery. As we drove further into the suburbs, english speaking Mexicans became nonexistent. Finally, I saw a police officer, with flashing lights, issueing a ticket to some poor citizen. I walked over to him, showed him my ticket and tried to ask him where the courthouse was located. Puzzled, the officer then sought assistance from the unfortunate guy he just gave a speeding ticket to. Eventually, two hours later, we found the place, payed the twelve dollar ticket and got our license plate back.

Still we had a most excellent time with each other negotiating the insane driving habits of the locals, eating fish with the head still attached, parking, overzealous salesmen, and uncertain intestinal situations. I love the uncertain! (not really).

Hailey and I at the beach in front of The Grand Mayan Resort

white sand, blue water, green trees, Yup

At the top of the highest Mayan pyramid in Mexico

This is what heaven looks like underwater

Chac Mool Cenote cave system, Yucatan Mexico

The unexpected and amazing Grand Mayan Resort, Playa del Carmen

Fear and Wonder At Pinecreek

I'm not graceful. I'm terrified of heights. I hate to be cold. Therefore I wanted to rope up and descend into a deep slot canyon only to swim through 50 degree muddy water and repeat. It sounds like I hate myself. But really I feel the best when I do things I'm not comfortable with. Well...afterwards.

In September, I squeezed my curvy body into my "bean pole" sister's wetsuit, stole her husband to be my canyoneering guide and personal photographer and had one of the most exhilarating days of my life. The one mile, deep crack in solid rock called Pinecreek Slot Canyon and is one of hundreds of slots in Utah, and certainly one of the most beautiful. Casey showed Jen and I how to rope in and then waited at the bottom of each descent so that he could laugh at us. Well, he only laughed at me. I have a peculiar style of descending due to my utter terror. Apparently I do strange things to avoid going over a sheer drop off. I put my legs in awkward positions and I scream just a little. But after the rope has me secured and I settle back and let gravity take over, I just kind of close my eyes and try to breathe. When I open them again I am dropping into the most amazing and mind blowing scenery I have ever seen. I am spelunking into a cathedral of red, wavy sandstone which towers a hundred feet above my head. A ribbon of blue sky is seen above. And then I slowly lower myself into a bottomless pool of muddy water, a remnant of the last flash flood. The temperature takes my breath away and I try not to totally submerge. But there is no choice, there is no bottom. I unhook my rope and flounder to the side (as Casey laughs heartily at my wide eyes and my frantic dog paddling). Next Jen descends gracefully, of course. We do this several times. Each drop off gets a little easier for me. Finally the slot opens up and lets us out into a wider, boulder strewn river bed. From this vantage point we are faced with the panorama of Zion's National Park, a spectacular yet humbling scene of absolute beauty. What a wonderful world!

Me and Jen geared up

See that body at the very top? That's ME!

rope off

WOW just WOW

What's New, Tanner?

As is usually the case, Tanner continues to create embarrassing situations for me. The most recent episode was a golden moment that I will remember forever. And so will a certain girl scout who was going door to door selling cookies....
I had just put Tanner in the bath, washed him up, gave him a big cup so that he could play in the tub, when the doorbell rang. Figuring that the boy would be content to splash around for a while I answered the door to discover a Girl Scout selling my most favorite cookies in the world. So of course I invited her into the foyer so that I could order my dozen boxes of Thin Mints. As I was writing down my contact information I saw this poor girl's eyes go very, very wide. Behind me was a very naked, very hairy Tanner walking down the hallway. I looked back at the girl and she was trying to avert her gaze from this most embarrassing situation. As Tanner came closer the girl shaded her eyes, I scribbled quickly on the order form and ushered her out. "Well at least you'll have an interesting story to tell your mom" I said apologetically.
Something tells me that I won't be receiving my cookies this year.

What's New, Hailey?

 Hailey has become a very expensive teenager during the last couple of years. Although she asks for nothing, her age group requires a lot of maintenance: straight teeth, clear skin, adequate eye sight, spending money, car insurance. I am lucky enough to have a conscientious high schooler who plays by the rules and studies hard. So the two and a half years of braces, the six months of Accutane, the new glasses and late night pick ups at her friend's houses have all been a pleasure for me.

 

 So when Hailey asked if she could dye her hair blue, I said "sure". If this is the most radical thing she does I will indeed be grateful.

Back From Hiatus, May I Introduce "The Whisker"

When I started this blog I promised myself that I would always keep it positive and humorous. For many reasons I pictured my quirky life as one long entertaining movie, full of one silly mishap after another. I believe it will always be like this.
Now to continue.... As I get ready every afternoon a soft glow of sunlight shines through the window behind me. I examine my ever aging face. I see the spots and the imperfections. I accept them. However, one afternoon the light was at such a perfect angle that it lit up a chin hair so magnificently that it glowed. I looked closer at the mirror thinking that I had a piece of glitter on my chin. But no. It was a long, thick, course, grey hair. I swear it was six inches long and curled back under my jawline, hiding like an embarrassment.
I plucked it out and it was definitely the makings of a potential beard. This made me scrutinize my upper lip. Nothing visible there, whew. Next I examined my neck and sure enough a carpet of downy hair lit up like white lint seen under a black light. Although the fine hair doesn't have the ability to become a mutton chop, I decided then and there that I am going to shave like a man.

Geeking Out At Comic-Con

     She hates math, she hates science, she hates computers, she hates gadgets. BUT she is kind of a nerd. For some reason unknown, Hailey has become a fan of geeky stuff like Dr Who, Star Trek, Anime and Sherlock.  And since we are a family of "non-dweebs" I can only blame this development on that enchanting, if not addicting, website Pinterest.  All the nerds in the world can harmonize in their dorky humor. They can share costume photos or drool over movie characters. And best of all they can go to conventions like Comic-Con, Fantasy-Con and Anime-Con. So for the past several months Hailey has been working on a costume to wear to these gatherings.

Introducing a protector of the innocent: a warrior, a "good guy" from the Anime series "ATTACK ON TITAN"

Waiting in line with the other "geeks" at Comic-Con

browsing through "dorky" merchandise

Still, I am so proud of my independent, creative and confident daughter. As I watched her make her own "sword" using cardboard, glue and paint, I felt that there is nothing she can't do if she puts her mind to it. I also realized that she doesn't have to be good in math to be a smart, fun and adventurous friend.