The Smartest Man In The World

He is a man so rich in knowledge and experience that he coined
the phrase "been there, done that".

His expertise is so sought after by the neighborhood guys that
I have to schedule appointments.

He is a man of such intellectual prowess that he has a website
called "dave.knows.all.com"

If he wants your opinion he'll give it to you

He has been known to say "I don't always know everything,
but when I do I prefer to tell you so".

He IS the smartest man in the world.


-----------------STAY INTELLIGENT MY FRIENDS--------

Happy Birthday to the biggest brain in the house.
and a special thanks to Nanette for knitting the brain hat.

The Secret of Poo

Now that Tanner is out of school and home all day he follows me around the house like a big, loud, clumsy puppy dog.He always has to check out what I'm doing. Sometimes a mom just needs a little alone time and I discovered a way to keep him at bay. I can't believe that I haven't used this trick earlier:  a little background first......
Tanner has always been grossed out with the site and smell of poo. He gags on his own stench. If he sees poo in the toilet he gags and practically runs away.  I remember instances when he was sitting in a lake or a river and a poo shaped stick would drift near him. He would start gagging and frantically try to push it away.
A while ago I was enjoying a relaxing, hot bath (candles and bubbles and soft music). Of course Tanner found out where I was and started banging on the door. Annoyed, I shouted,"leave me alone, I'm going poo!" Next, I heard a little gag and he never bothered me again. Brilliant!!
Now, when I want to sleep longer in the morning and he comes banging on my bedroom door I just shout "I'm going poo!" and he leaves. I know this won't work forever but it sure is fun.

I Rode 100 Miles More Than You!

I love the first weekend of June.That's when we do our annual Girls Only bike ride through the green fields of Cache Valley.This time the air was warm and the farm smell was powerful. Fifty miles on a road bike wasn't all that bad, but then....I rode another fifty in my sleep. After the "real" ride I felt pretty good, went to bed and peddled all night long.

The absolute best part of the first weekend in June is that
when a bunch of gals get together the conversation is never
dull and laughter is plentiful. There is nothing better than
plentiful laughter especially when one of us comments on
how good the "Erotic Indian Food is". Uh, that would
be "Exotic Indian Food".

"The Other Guy"

By now most humans have seen the blockbuster movie "The Avengers" which is about six superheroes coming together to save the world. Each SuperHero has his own super-power: a demi-god with a big hammer, a super-soldier with a protecting shield, a guy with an indestructible iron body suit, a man with breathtaking anger management issues and a couple of master assassins. Guess which is my favorite?
HINT#1: his only job is to "SMASH
HINT #2: (movie quote) " I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster"..........THE HULK!......
I love the Hulk because he and Tanner share so many characteristics:

1---The madder he gets, the stronger he gets
2---Their physical strength depends on their emotional state
3---Both are gentle creatures until "the other guy" takes control and makes a mess

So the first time I heard the term "rage monster" I immediately thought of Tanner. If you love Tanner then you gotta love The Hulk

Teenage Wasteland

In April I feared that I had lost my little girl. On her thirteenth birthday Hailey didn't have that excited sparkle in her eyes when she opened gifts.She looked...uh...bored. She didn't make that exaggerated and playful effort to blow out the birthday candles.It was as if she had lost her belief in birthday wishes coming true. She seemed so...uh...unimpressed.I asked her if she had a good birthday. She said it was "fine". She is so...uh...uncommunicative. I ask her how school is and she responds "it's ok". She is so...uh...vague. I ask her what she's doing, she says "nothing". She is so....uh....secretive.
Who are you texting? I ask her. "nobody you know" she says. She is so....uh...whatever!

 

 What more does a teenager need except unlimited texting, a laptop for Facebook, some ear ear buds to listen to her favorite tunes and a cold ginger ale. *and for mom to quit asking so many questions*.

So lately I've been feeling  a little nostalgic until one Sunday I looked out the window and saw my "cool" teenager climbing over the fence in her finest church clothes. She still takes the "short cut" to

to church. If  she can do this without shame then I surely haven't lost my little girl quite yet!

       

 

The Gift of All Gifts

I had to endure yet another unwelcome birthday. Luckily I was
presented with a luxury that few get the pleasure of receiving on
their special day.

This baby is perfect for power-hungry vacuumers like me;
impressive power, great handling balance, traction control,
GPS, keyless ignition, graceful and responsive.
250 horsepower, goes from zero to sixty in 2.5 seconds....
Finally, the luxury I deserve.

oops, I was reading the owners manual for a Lexus.

Anchors Aweigh

For our twentieth anniversary Dave got me a cute little ship
and invited 150 happy strangers to keep us company.





He even let me sail it!



"Trim the mainsail, let out the jib, bring her hard to starboard!"



Dave swam in the mini-pool each morning...756 laps for a mile



And I was a princess for a week


I set course for St. Lucia and sailed past the majestic Pitons
in the early morning sunlight. The flare of the sun's rays
peeked through the mist in sheets giving the peaks a dramatic
outline against the fresh Caribbean sky.

The next day in Bequia I posed for a new magazine called
"Past Your Prime".


We spent most of our time underwater off the tiny uninhabited
islands of the Tobago Cays. The tropical reef was full of marine
life and alluring coral formations


The island of Mayreau offered a wide expanse of beautiful sand
bordered by patches of lovely purple flowers on the one side and
the turquoise sea on the other. We were also provided with a
variety of water sports. I tried paddle boarding while Dave tried
sailing a hobie cat, which resulted in a sea rescue AGAIN.


I pointed the bowsprit towards Grenada where Dave found his
ideal "naked waterfall" deep in the jungle. We had to hike into
the bowels of Grenada's rain forest, down a slippery, muddy
trail, danger was all around us....


We ended up where we started, Barbados, where the beaches are
the best in the whole Caribbean. This is my "happy place"....
white, powdered sugar sand, gently sloping beach into clear
blue water where I can walk for a hundred yards and still be
only waist deep.